I am a 30 year old guy from Mumbai now in US who chanced upon this site when reading about Nirbhaya KA.I would like to share 2 incidents one as a perpetrator and another as a victim.
1 Perpetrator : Age 14 .I was going in a bus and it was not very crowded.I was standing behind a girl who was a little older and probably someone from the lower middle class.I accidentaly touch her back with my front.But then I did not move away and did that again.She realized it,moved away and I was pretty embarassed that I had even attempted that.
2 Victim: Age 16 .I was in a elevator going up to my floor .We stayed on the 16th floor and my friends dad who lived on the 12th floor was in the elevator.He asked me how I was doing and I said good..he stood very close to me and by the back of his hand kept applying pressure to my front thing.It was pretty awkward and embarassing and I did not know what to do.I just endured and I guess I tried to smile since it was pretty confusing.Another of my friend had the same experience with this guy and we dismissed him as a wierdo.
You can say that I was among a decent type guy who had a older sister,respects women,offers own seat to women in buses and does not attempt to touch/look/tease woman.However,the reason I am bringing this up is to think about the psyche of ppl who do this.I can only talk about typical decent types who do this and not for the criminal guys.We even had a friend in school who we used to call Score Singh because he used to score (touch a woman ) in crowded places.After school I have not had any friends who would do this so I cannot comment on older guys doing this.
Following are the big reasons.
1 Most school kids dont realize the impact this is having on the girls and think only about their fun in this.
2 Most often it is the hormones kicking in and not having any output.
3 Most of them dont have sisters or cannot empathize with the female gender.
Please note that I dont for a minute feel that the above reasons justify their action .I am just stating this to identify what can be done to minimize this.
I think the Blank noise project is doing a great service by making ppl aware of this issue .I think there should be programs in schools also when kids are in 10th-12th standard so boys know that this is a wrong thing to do and the impact it has on girls/women.The teachers/princi should hold a session on talking about the evils of this.And most importantly girls should complain about this and try and hopefully that will scare away the guys from trying something similar again.
Best wishes for your effort.I am married man with a kid now and I know my wife has had some bad experiences but we dont talk about it openenly.All my wife says is she does not want to be born as a woman again and how free she feels in US to be able to wear a skirt and sometimes go swimming.
To all the girls out there,I know my apology does not make a difference but still I am sorry that you girls have to go through this and I promise if I am ever a witness to such a thing I will act .
God bless you all..
Posted by J at 11:36 PM
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When a women say to a Men : I Love you , the same termed as brave women , but if a man say the same to a women, is sexuall harrasement!!!!ReplyDelete
When a women refuse to marry a women after engagement, the guy is criminla and if a man refuse to marry a women after engagement, it is rape.
A long list of double standarad , this all are nothing but to treat the man as Free ATM machine and creating havoce in the society by pitting men vs women each others.
Harrasement is harrasement , let it be sexuall, physicl , emoptional or economical, but Blank noise team think harrasement against men is social serivce. This is nothing but hyprocycy.
FIrstly, Blank Noise DOES NOT believe in harassment, sexual, physical, emotional or whatever, against either women or men. Please point out carefully and specifically where it is that we have mentioned that harassment of men is "social service".
About "pitting" men against women- it is not a competition. There cannot be competition between two human beings for the right to be "more human" than the other. It is not as if you have a pot full of freedom and if women were to take some of it, there would be less left for men.
Freedom is universal; it is absolute by virtue of its intrinsic quality. If this draws us to the issue of adjustments and compromises, then men cannot have the whole cake and leave nothing for women. Society is peaceful only when there is mutual understanding and respect for one another.
About the "I love you" thing- it is not really WHAT you say, but with what intention you say it that matters. If the intentions of a man are innocent and positive, it would not matter if he were to propose. And there is also a way to do it. Pinching buttocks and whistling is not the way. Moreover your female friends may mind less if you proposed to them (albeit politely) but stranger women certainly would mind, and rightly so.
About "refusal to marry" - it is a proven and obvious fact of Indian society that it is the man who has the right to decide his partner; the woman hardly does, even in metropolitan India. Moreover, even if an engagement breaks due to the guy's refusal to marry, the girl's family has to face the "shame", people gossip about the girl, and it becomes difficult for her to marry anyone else. So your argument seems a little flimsy.
But thanks for sharing your views and do keep writing in.
Swarup before we even begin to answer your idiotic questions may I ask which school?ReplyDelete
Well, i went through all the posts ... although partially .. I have just one question to ask, that why a man is victimised ... if a guy dumps a girl he is "kammena" and "kutta".. but when a girl dumps a guy ... its like, shes a girl and she has all the rights to change her mind . y so.. ? hormones kick in gurls too ... i have been kinda bad boy .. but so far no girl has shown even the slightest resentment towards it... girls these days r no sati savitri clones ... even they like to indulge in no string attached relationships ... so y blame the guy.... just because he is a guy ... i think that reason isnt enough to tag him a criminal ....ReplyDelete